When I Get Old.

The other day at work I got to thinking about old people. Young support the old and all that bullshit blah blah blah. I wondered what I would be like when I got old. Because this is work, and sometimes slow, over the hour or two left I came up with this list.

Old Man Things. - Things necessary to me being an old man.

1. Supercool Cane - Preferrably a dragon spitting flames. Durable hardwood to strike young whippersnappers with. Note that the use of the word supercool will be popular in the distant 2064.
2. Old Guy Hat - Something that really speaks. It says, "Hey! I'm old!"
3. Motorized Cart - When I'm not striking young whippersnappers I need to be traveling appox. 40mph in my cart. It will be equipped with an air-horn and a cow-catcher.
4. Handicap Parking - In the future there will be very few rows of regular parking. Thus to have privileges would be supercool.
5. Viagra.
6. Sweaters - Caridgans, pullovers, wool, and "World Greatest Grandpa", you name it.
7. Evening pipe - I'm an old man and I'm gonna smoke a pipe goddamnit!
8. Pimped out golf-cart - Painted black, flame decals, etc., etc.
9. Rambling Stories - No point in not having a point is not the point! I uster have tuh use both hands an' feet tuh drive! We uster used 'rude oil and it 'ried righ' up!
10. Rich Children - My retirement days will be spent goofing off and smoking pipes in my tricked out cart. I don't pay for things.

There you have it! What would you want when your old?