Anonymous Messages For All To Read

Work's been pretty pensive lately. It's unfortunate that I have so much time to think. To me, pensive has always had a darker meaning to it. According to thefreedictionary.com pensive could be a melancholy thoughtfulness and that pretty much nails it.

Feeling glum, looking inward, I tried to peice together what had led me to dejection.

A hole in my life... An ache in my heart... Only one thing could do such damage.

Fucking girls. Sorry ladies, it's true, you got me down right now.

So what will cure this depression? I have the answer, always had. It's not nessecarily a flirty romance or passionate fling (but I must add, either would do me well) but an internal answer. Strength only comes from inside.

So without further ado! Here is everything I've every wanted to say to certain girls! (The names have been redacted to ethnic names to protect anonyminity.)

Alba - So long ago I barely recall. One thing I must say, it was pretty shitty how you broke up with me. You shouldn't have dicked around it, but I guess getting dicked around is what happened after me.

Adedewe - You were a supreme bitch. Your sex and siren song clouded my thought until the very end. It was hard to get over you. I'm pretty sure you cheated.

Kadija - Ah Kadija, I really loved you. Sometimes you just love a person enough to know your not right for them. Sorry I don't see you anymore, I'm afraid to fall in love with you again.

Barongo - Funny how things come full circle right? I was so angry with you I wrote a song about it. I still sing this song... I wonder if you'll hear it?

Kantayeni - Listen, I was really drunk when I woke up and I may have forgotten to brush my teeth that day but that doesn't mean you can't at least say so instead of not calling me anymore!

Laini - Okay, I'm coming clean here. "I thought we were done with that" I may have said to friends but I had sex with you on numerous occasions. I enjoyed the attention but you annoy me. I kept sleeping with you because I would never call or really want to hang out and felt bad. Don't think of it as a pity fuck either. I'm a jerk and you know it.

Gerda - I see you in ShopRite... Too embarassed to talk to me? I think I was intimidated by your tits. Spectacular.

Masani - You're weird. And you rip people off. And your hair smells.

Adongo - Sorry Adongo, your not my type.

Jamala - Look what this great guy did? Passed out and blacked out you find yourself sleeping next to yours truly. You thought we fooled around. Did we? Nope. Watch your drinks Jamala.

Sabra - I could write volumes about this girl and still not say all there is to say. I miss you. I'm sorry.

Chiku - I was just lonely all those times. I think you were too. I was never that attracted to you. And you snore.

Ajia - Were you embarassed of your one-night stand? You practically woke the whole house!

Malegna - I would drop everything if you'd be mine. I think it's that sexy brain of yours. Not many seem to have that. I felt like we could really communicate if we tried. I just wish you felt the same. I'm embarassed to say so but I don't see you enough. I still think about you.

Almasi - You're awesome. Keep being awesome.

Vana - Somehow I knew you wouldn't last long.

Kifimbo - I never got to kiss you before you left. I was intimidated by your hotness. Give me another chance!

There ya go! Not a complete list but I think this post has served its purpose. Illuminating the hole most likely but the catharsis acheived. It's good to be able to laugh about these things.

On second thought... any ladies interested in a passionate fling or flirty romance?

When I Get Old.

The other day at work I got to thinking about old people. Young support the old and all that bullshit blah blah blah. I wondered what I would be like when I got old. Because this is work, and sometimes slow, over the hour or two left I came up with this list.

Old Man Things. - Things necessary to me being an old man.

1. Supercool Cane - Preferrably a dragon spitting flames. Durable hardwood to strike young whippersnappers with. Note that the use of the word supercool will be popular in the distant 2064.
2. Old Guy Hat - Something that really speaks. It says, "Hey! I'm old!"
3. Motorized Cart - When I'm not striking young whippersnappers I need to be traveling appox. 40mph in my cart. It will be equipped with an air-horn and a cow-catcher.
4. Handicap Parking - In the future there will be very few rows of regular parking. Thus to have privileges would be supercool.
5. Viagra.
6. Sweaters - Caridgans, pullovers, wool, and "World Greatest Grandpa", you name it.
7. Evening pipe - I'm an old man and I'm gonna smoke a pipe goddamnit!
8. Pimped out golf-cart - Painted black, flame decals, etc., etc.
9. Rambling Stories - No point in not having a point is not the point! I uster have tuh use both hands an' feet tuh drive! We uster used 'rude oil and it 'ried righ' up!
10. Rich Children - My retirement days will be spent goofing off and smoking pipes in my tricked out cart. I don't pay for things.

There you have it! What would you want when your old?

You.. uh.. huh? what?

So it's 5:15am and still we are partying. 24oz's were a good idea. Jager-bombs deluxe. It will surely take daylight to interrupt this extravaganza. None will realize the lateness of the hour until dawn is upon us.

"How much do you be like i don't care how much we sleep right now?" Knobs says and screams. "I need a drink how good that quote is!"

We are sleeping 'til maybe 3 or so.

Ryan loves Knobs' quote.

Elsies?

Drinking Agenda

Lately, it seems that I've been quite the drinker.

Blacking out includes but is not limited to:

• Losing an hour, head on the bar, demanding water.
• Waking up the day after a Christmas party, finding out that that I not only forgot leaving but also that I drove a friend home.
• Spilling the hot girl's drink all over her lap.
• Jumping into snow covered bushes.
• Arriving home to find my parents just waking.
• Creating elaborate shots from random liquors and giving them obnoxious names.
• Waking up completely bewildered.
• Finding my car pulled up the wrong driveway.
• Having vague memories of walking to another bar to do a shot and then drive home.
• Being fully conscious at the end of the night but unable to recall an important portion of the night.

Being drunk ain't so bad, it's the blacking out part that sucks. I'm a fucking train wreck. I wonder if anything can sate me? Perhaps sex. Yes, I think sex would satisfy me. Any takers? I've been having shitty luck lately. All I ask is that you catch me before I become the idiot drunk previously described. Bah... whatever... the drunk Bill is more fun anyway.

I think, more importantly, is identifying the blackout agent. This shit happened two nights in a row and I wonder if it is a particular drink that sets me over the edge.

Was it the vodka tonics?
The black and tans?
Jager shots?
Quite possibly the jameson...
Or was it the combination of all that in an evening?

I may never know...
Right now, I'm going to have a glass of wine.

Goodnight!